Last night you sent me a text message but to be honest, I couldn’t read it anymore. Yes, I saw the words, observed the length but I couldn’t grasp what you were trying to say because I was already preoccupied with anxiety. I didn’t like to see you like this, you are so much more than the worry and doubt you put on yourself. But don’t think you’re a hassle to me (because I feel you might), in fact, I was relieved that you explained your abrupt exit. I might not have been able to give my reply as promptly as I should have, but I’m telling now how happy I was when I heard from you.
Anyway, I’m writing not to express any disbelief or tell you what you should do. I know I have an attitude of being somewhat of a know-it-all but let’s just say in matters like this, I want to be heard especially when I feel that I will say might be of help. So I’m also telling you right now that life is a bitch, people can be cruel and yes, sometimes we are not enough, hell, to some we will never be enough.
But I want you to know that in moments like this, it’s okay to give time to be weird. It’s okay t admit defeat, to surrender, to fall apart, to leave, to let go and succumb to our vulnerability. It’s okay to make stupid decisions, to do things against our better judgement or even allow ourselves to dive in the pool of insecurity, uncertainty, selfishness, fear, doubt and jealousy–but remember, never drown. Heck, we don’t even have to always rationalize what we feel or even understand our own selves… because we are human and that’s how we grow. And most importantly, we don’t have to explain these moments to anybody else.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that don’t be afraid of these breakdowns because these are the one of the defining moments in our lives. After all the thinking, crying and falling short of breath, we should be able to understand ourselves more, embrace our faults and weaknesses, appreciate who are and what we have and just love, love, love, love, love ourselves more. And sometimes this is the most difficult part because it’s always easier to look for faults but like every love song written in the surface of the earth, it all begins with love… then things will fall into place.
You might get mad at me for saying this but I really hope you wouldn’t be so apologetic for almost everything. While adjusting to other people is done on a daily basis, remember that you don’t have to please each every one of them. Heck, you don’t even have to please me or our friends. I don’t mean to be harsh but I’m just really afraid that if you don’t outgrow that kind of attitude, maybe someday someone will take advantage of it and I don’t want that to happen because you’re one of the best people I know. And I just hope you will be able to see yourself the way I see you… full of love, hope, smart, responsible, beautiful, sincere, generous and so much more.
I apologize if I judged you in anyway in this post and I would totally understand if you don’t wish to speak to me after reading this. I know we haven’t been friends for a long time nor do we completely know each other, but either way, you are most cherished friend to me and I really am concerned. Finally, this is nothing but a blog post…I’m not asking you to change your mind or whatever because I will love you either way or how may times you would leave in the middle of the afternoon. 🙂
Just please remember that you can always talk to me, regardless of how much fun I’m having that time.