102, this is for you.

Last night you sent me a text message but to be honest, I couldn’t read it anymore. Yes, I saw the words, observed the length but I couldn’t grasp what you were trying to say because I was already preoccupied with anxiety. I didn’t like to see you like this, you are so much more than the worry and doubt you put on yourself. But don’t think you’re a hassle to me (because I feel you might), in fact, I was relieved that you explained your abrupt exit. I might not have been able to give my reply as promptly as I should have, but I’m telling now how happy I was when I heard from you.

Anyway, I’m writing not to express any disbelief or tell you what you should do. I know I have an attitude of being somewhat of a know-it-all but let’s just say in matters like this, I want to be heard especially when I feel that I will say might be of help. So I’m also telling you right now that life is a bitch, people can be cruel and yes, sometimes we are not enough, hell, to some we will never be enough.

But I want you to know that in moments like this, it’s okay to give time to be weird. It’s okay t admit defeat, to surrender, to fall apart, to leave, to let go and succumb to our vulnerability. It’s okay to make stupid decisions, to do things against our better judgement or even allow ourselves to dive in the pool of insecurity, uncertainty, selfishness, fear, doubt and jealousy–but remember, never drown. Heck, we don’t even have to always rationalize what we feel or even understand our own selves… because we are human and that’s how we grow. And most importantly, we don’t have to explain these moments to anybody else.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that don’t be afraid of these breakdowns because these are the one of the defining moments in our lives. After all the thinking, crying and  falling short of breath, we should be able to understand ourselves more, embrace our faults and weaknesses, appreciate who are and what we have and just love, love, love, love, love ourselves more. And sometimes this is the most difficult part because it’s always easier to look for faults but like every love song written in the surface of the earth, it all begins with love… then things will fall into place.

You might get mad at me for saying this but I really hope you wouldn’t be so apologetic for almost everything. While adjusting to other people is done on a daily basis, remember that you don’t have to please each every one of them. Heck, you don’t even have to please me or our friends. I don’t mean to be harsh but I’m just really afraid that if you don’t outgrow that kind of attitude, maybe someday someone will take advantage of it and I don’t want that to happen because you’re one of the best people I know. And I just hope you will be able to see yourself the way I see you… full of love, hope, smart, responsible, beautiful, sincere, generous and so much more.

I apologize if I judged you in anyway in this post and I would totally understand if you don’t wish to speak to me after reading this. I know we haven’t been friends for a long time nor do we completely know each other, but either way, you are most cherished friend to me and I really am concerned. Finally, this is nothing but a blog post…I’m not asking you to change your mind or whatever because I will love you either way or how may times you would leave in the middle of the afternoon. 🙂

Just please remember that you can always talk to me, regardless of how much fun I’m having that time.

 

 

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About bellazoom

Hold on.

One thought on “102, this is for you.

  1. I will be forever grateful for this ms bei…. I am terribly worried when i read that this blog might make me mad and be a reason for me to stop making connections with you.. Hell no… I will never do that.. I cant even imagine doing that to u.. i am happy to say that U already know me from the short time we spent together. Yes.. Everything u wrote were true. I cant see any judgment in their. All i see is myself on how and what iv been from the first day our paths came across…

    I always thought i might be bothering u guys.. U who were so busy than anyone in the office.. And i dnt want to add up any burden. Thats why iv always been apologetic when i tend to ask something or share my daily concerns.. a boring and never ending concern… that is.. Hahahaha

    Thank u for being more mature than me. Youve always been there. I feel like iv shaken all my wit and confidence and left them somewhere that i prefer to stop…. Do nothing and everything eventually turn out to be a self doubt. But ur there… U guys were there.. Pushing me to do things that u greatly know i can conquer. All iv shown is weakness and u tried to help me change it….

    I love u so much ms bea.. And the dream team… 🙂 please let me apologize again. Cause i hate it when im makin u worried.. I am perfectly fine now. Yesterday marks the end to whatever holds me from becoming better. Though doubts will always be there but my attitude towards everything will be more positive… le temps est compte. Time is runing out that i cant afford to waste it just because im getting insane again…. Mwaaaaaaa.. Merci beaucoup!!!! Thanks for the compliments tooooo..

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