Day 03: Cakes & Chaos

03Jan2012: Cakes & Chaos

Today is a special day for two of the most important people in my life. Today, my youngest brother turns 14 and my best friend, Chavy turns 21. I was not able to celebrate with the latter, but we had a simple gathering with family and friends for the former.

But I’m not going write as if this day was one big celebration. In fact, I was ultimately stressed earlier this day when I found myself facing a multitude of backlogs. these were tasks that I should have finished before the year ended had I opted to wake up earlier or decided not to sneak out and laze around. I know it’s my fault but somehow I can’t help but blame certain people for being so unapproachable that I am left playing some kind of guessing game when in fact we should be discussing matters as a team. Well enough about that.

It was around five in the afternoon when I started feeling everything was spinning out of control with the pressure asphyxiating my insides. But I did not want to ruin our celebration, especially now that ties have been mended in the family.

With this in my mind, I could not help but cascade into another episode of mind torture and hating my job and myself for my lack of assertiveness to do what I wanted. I know how extreme I can be with myself so I decided to take an early off and bought my brother’s birthday cake.

Whilst walking in the mall, I tried to take away my thoughts from myself. I recognized my mistakes, stopped myself from counting regrets and force-fed myself with lessons. I needed to grow up and get this adolescent crisis over with. I didn’t want to ruin this day by pretending to be in the spirit of merrymaking and secretly loathing my irresponsibility.

I know, I know, this is probably one of the most selfish posts you have read but if there’s one thing I learned for that past 72 hours, it’s that you can only give love if you have love. And so I resolved the matter by accepting my mistakes, forgiving myself and moving on. And most importantly, PREVENT myself from replaying the bad decisions I made.

True enough, I was in a good mood for the entire night. I ate, drank too much wine, bonded with my aunts and laughed. Every now and then my work crossed my mind but I knew it was useless to ponder on what was already done. Instead, I am now looking at what can be done.

And since this post is supposed to be about the birthday boy, I just want to say that I am always here for him. I know he will be great someday, I know he will grow up to be healthier and happier. I believe in him too much to know that he will be something in the future. So with that, I just want to remind him that whatever happens, his Ate is beside him.

Happy Birthday, Dan!

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About bellazoom

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